The Ryan Doyle Show - blog

Friday March27th 2009

60 MINUTES OF GUILT-THE EARTH HOUR EDITION
Remember the movie Wall Street? Gordon Gekko, the high falutin businessman played by Michael Douglas insisting to everyone that "Greed is Good". Ahhhh the 1980's, life was simple, getting rich was the main focus and the only cause celeb we had was helping the world's poor and hungry in another part of the world. Fast forward to 2009 where the mantra is no longer about money, but rather a different kind of green. In today's version of the film you would likely have a power suit wearing business type exclaiming to his staff that "Green is good". You see in today's world the priorities have shifted from doing true good, to a self righteous movement that uses guilt as its main motivator.The so called "green movement" won't be satisfied until we all have turned our homes into wind farms, our freezers into compost storage units, and our kids into miniature preachers spewing the merits of carbon offsets at the dinner table. It was clear to me some time ago that the environmentalists had not just found a way to go mainstream, they also hijacked a pretty decent colour at the same time. This Saturday the world is supposed to gather and live life like the electric showdown between Edison and Tesla never took place some two hundred and twenty years ago. According to the organizer's website they say "Switching off your lights is a vote for Earth", funny I don't remember them calling an election. If I leave my lights on, like a sane person, does that mean I have somehow voted for Mars?

Thursday March 12th 2009

YES I USED TO BE AN ANARCHIST!

So it is high time I put this part of my past to bed. It has come up too many times on the show for me to ignore or simply laugh off, so I figured I would take the time to point out my not so proud past. Besides there is a whole group of new listeners that have no clue why I am being labelled an "anarchist" or "former socialist", and I feel I should lift the curtain for them as well. A number of years ago, in my early 20's I lived at home with my parents. Like many young Canadians with little overhead cost and tonnes of disposable income I believed that the world was my oyster. The main problems I thought we had on this planet were governments focused on greed and wealth, power hungry business people, the homeless who were being ignored, and of course my pet project before it was chic ...the crisis in Africa. Not to say that Africa isn't a problem anymore, but at some point when I broke out of my parental utopia it wasn't a priority for me. The difference between me and the other 20 somethings was that I had a radio show in which to spout off these beliefs. First I co-hosted a show called "Generation Next", which was essentially a group of young people that all had their heads in the clouds debating these issues. Then once that show ended I was given my own solo project, the first incarnation of "The Ryan Doyle Show". I nicknamed that one "The Radio Revolution", and stacked it with left wing rebels, authours, even African presidents came into studio to discuss the plight of their continent. However when doing this show something didn't feel right.

Wednesday March 4th 2009

WHO'S THE BOSS?
About a month ago I casually mentioned on the show my complete disdain for those who decide to throw around the terms "Boss" and "Chief". Given the amount of e-mail I have received about the issue I feel it is time to expand on my earlier sentiment. There are certain types of people that feel the need to promote you through their salutations. Not one day goes by without the coffee guy down the street asking me "what can I get for you boss?" I respond by immediately looking around trying to find out who the hell he is talking to. I clearly don't work in the coffee business. Is this guy confusing me with someone from head office? It amazes me that although he is using such a moniker to describe me, the service still remains lacklustre. Last night on the way home from a local pub a few of us decided to take a taxi home, I got the front seat. We all packed ourselves in, the doors closed, and the inevitable question from the driver followed. "Where you headed Chief?" Chief? I don't get it, I am clearly not a Native Canadian. Nor am I the leader of this tribe of beer drinkers that have just made their way into your cab.

Friday February 27th 2009

VASELINE-GATE

As many of you know I am a huge fan of the UFC (Ultimate Fighting Championship). Over the last few years I have had the pleasure of doing work with their organization, interviewing a slew of fighters from all different walks of life. My friends and I make a point of gathering for every pay-per view that is shown on Viewer's Choice, and when we get together we dish UFC dirt, talk UFC smack, and basically turn into teenage boys as soon as the octagon doors open. At the last PPV there was only one topic of discussion...Could GSP be the A-ROD of Ultimate Fighting? I know for many of you that last sentence seems like code, but let me explain. GSP is the moniker for popular Canadian born fighter Georges St. Pierre. He is an amazingly fit fighting machine that is well respected throughout the sport, but following his last fight allegations of cheating started to swirl. St-Pierre's opponent, lightweight champ B.J. Penn, who was beaten badly by St-Pierre for four rounds before the title fight was stopped, indicated that not all was kosher. Penn claimed that St-Pierre was greased up by excessive use of Vaseline during round-break rubdowns.

Friday February 13th 2009

STRAIGHT TO VIDEO

I have been asked by a large amount of people why I feel the need to do something on top of my nightly radio show. These queries are referring to the fact that I host a small after-show on cfrb.com that we have affectionately named "10:02". The reason that I feel the need to lift the curtain and let people in on the inner workings of the show is because I don't believe in selling perfection. This might sound odd, but hang with me. For too long I believe the media has been fixated on the idea of perfection, perfect hair, straight white teeth and more than anything broadcasts that are flawless. They agonize and stress, take after take, shot after shot, all in the name of putting the perfect product on the air. TV stations aren't the only guilty parties here, radio does it as well. Constantly selling the public on the idea that everything goes off without a hitch. My after-show runs counter-intuitive to the theory they are trying to make you believe. That show, just like my radio program, is me in the raw. You see the people that work tirelessly behind the scenes that try to make me sound good, it can be a tough task some days. You see me in my environment, no make-up, no wardrobe, no second takes. I work on the premise of honesty, I expect people to call into the show and be honest with me, whether it be a personal story or a gut reaction. So why shouldn't I deliver the same to all of you?

Thursday February 5th 2009

THE BIG "V"

According to a new poll nearly half of American women take Valentine's Day so to heart they would give up something special - like sex or chocolate - for a month in order to have an "awesome" holiday. You must be kidding! Although I shouldn't really be surprised, my mailbox has been full of notes from angry women that are mad that I suggested married men don't have to participate in the "V" day tradition. Could it be that I have read an entire continent of women wrong? I thought I would be hailed as a hero that preached the idea of loving your wife equally for 365 days of the year, as opposed to loading up on one commercialized day of drivel. Perhaps Hallmark and the flower biz have successfully brainwashed the masses? How else can you explain the 44 percent of 13,192 surveyed said they'd sacrifice something for a month to have an out of this world V-Day: 4 percent would do without sex; and 8 percent said they'd give up "anything!"

SUPER BOWL CHILI! January 30th 2009

This is  the Texas chili recipe that I use and that I cribbed years ago from a website. It has served me well, I have tweaked a bit of it. Notice that it is bean free and doesn't use tomatoes...the way chili was meant to be made. Enjoy this Superbowl weekend!

Monday January 26th 2009

PAIN FOR PLEASURE

It started off innocently enough. A salsa here, a hot sauce there, all just harmless additions to whatever snack was in front of me. Somewhere down the road it became an addiction. Tonight while watching 24 (Yes I have to PVR Jack Bauer) I began to salivate, I was starting to crave not the chip but the salsa! About a week back I bought a salsa made by a company called Neal Brothers that must have been the most potent hot salsa on the planet. Just a small drop on my tongue left it in excruciating pain. My eyes welled up with tears, and no amount of beer could put out the fire, trust me I tried. Yet tonight as I watched a fictitious dictator play god with American lives, I needed another hit. The same salsa with the same reaction.

Monday January 19th

Welcome to DC!

After quite the trek yesterday afternoon I now call rural Maryland my temporary home. We had some delays leaving Pearson, but it was well worth the wait. This area of the world caught Obama-mania a few months back, they haven't been able to shake the fever since. As we stepped onto the tarmac at BWI (Baltimore/Washington-International) our plane was greeted by some very serious U.S Marshall's. I am told that is how every plane this week is greeted. Bridges, roads, every route into the capital will soon become overrun with security checkpoints. This may be the most secure place on earth.

Monday January 12th 2009

WHO'S HOUSE???

House arrest. What a funny form of punishment to some who may have committed very serious crimes. Today accused Ponzi schemer Bernard Madoff will remain free on bail - but still under house arrest - after a judge denied prosecutors' request to jail him because he gave relatives more than $1 million worth of watches and other items in a possible bid to hide assets. This means "The Ponz" will be allowed to remain in his $7 million Upper East Side penthouse while he awaits trial on a fraud charge. Sounds pretty schwanky if you ask me.Madoff will be spared having to spend his days and nights in a dreary Manhattan lockup that has been home to terrorists, mobsters like John Gotti and range of other criminals who have gone through the Manhattan system over the years.Now I realize that everyone is entitled to some sort of bail and if the judge doesn't deem Madoff to be a flight risk he is allowed to return to his life of luxury. That being said the term "house arrest" in this situation is sickening.

Wednesday January 7th 2009

NEVER SHOCKED

Can't say that I am ever shocked at some of the assinine questions that are asked in the media every day. Today's headlines seem to take the cake though when it comes to actor Patrick Swayze. If you weren't aware Swayze is suffering a hellish battle with pancreatic cancer, that will likely claim his life if no cure is found.Meaning when he was diagnosed the doctor handed him a death sentence. Now some Darwin award winners in the media have decided to put the focus on the fact that he still smokes. Condemning him for his choice to do what he wants with what will likely be his abbreviated life. Although you have to wonder if these same braniacs would not try and suck up every indulgence they could if handed the same fate. I can tell you without hesitation that I would.

Monday January 5th 2009

START THE SHOW ALREADY!!

It isn't often that I write about celebrity teens and their loyal nation of followers. Mainly because I am a 32 year old man that doesn't follow every exploit and tribulation of those that make things cool and chic. However after going to see the movie Frost/Nixon last week I feel compelled to break my silence on Miley Cyrus. We had arrived at the theatre a tad early in order to get a good seat. I tend to like to do this, my wife would rather wait until about three minutes into the movie which is a rant I will save for another day. We sat through commercial after commercial up on the big screen, and a promise from George Stroumboulopoulos that the movie was up right after his interview with Russell Peters. His promise did not pan out, but I will try no hold that against him. Instead of the coming attractions rolling, what followed was every father's worst nightmare. There she was, fifteen year old Miley Cyrus in living colour performing in her new video for her song "Seven Things".

Wednesday December 17th 2008

JUST CRACKERS
The critics who find my blog "mindless" will definitely hate today's entry, but I think this needs to be said. I secretly love Christmas crackers. For those who aren't familiar with them, let me give you a quick definition.The cracker was inspired by the French bon-bon. It consists of a cardboard tube covered in shiny wrapping paper. The cracker is pulled by two people, each gripping one end and pulling in opposite directions. When the cracker splits it lets out small magical bang produced by the effect of friction on a chemically impregnated card strip (similar to that used in a cap gun).However the bang is only half the fun. The cracker is full of goodies, toys, trinkets, the works!

Friday December 12th 2008

MINDLESS...HMMMM

 

About a week ago I received an anonymous e-mail from the website that decided to rip into one of my blog entries and label it "mindless". At first I was insulted, but then I gave it some thought. Miriam Webster's dictionary defines "mindless" as not intellectually challenging or stimulating. The anonymous e-mailer was right! My blog is not all that intellectually challenging. Nor does it do a great deal of stimulating. You see I have never made the claim that this blog would ever provide any of those things.

HEY LOOK OVER THERE!
The reason I write is to share stories, to outline some of the quirky thoughts that rush through my head when I am away from the microphone. My blog is nothing more than the written version of computer solitaire. A "mindless" distraction away from the day to day headlines. Certainly I could write about the looming recession. Or perhaps you would like my written take on the collapse of the auto industry? Those are the things I save for the radio, in order to stimulate response.

TAKE A BREAK
My blog is all about providing a little escape from the grind. A retreat from the doom and gloom around us. We are not all androids that need to be serious 24/7, sometimes it is healthy to have a laugh or share a human emotion with others.No doubt I will continue to have my critics, which makes it all the more worthwhile. I just wish that everyone would lighten up a touch, and not take themselves or this world so seriously. I guess I will have to save the toilet seat story for next week!

Wednesday December 10th 2008

THE BARBER DOWN THE HILL
Most of you know that I am a bit of an odd duck. I am also a creature of habit, and like things a certain way. For me one of the most amazing joys in life is getting my hair cut. Sure that sounds odd to many of you, but allow me to explain. Once a month I circle a day on my calendar to put aside time for me and my friendly barber "Reno". Reno is one of those old school barbers, in fact he works at the oldest barber shop in the city of Toronto. He uses an old chair, a straight razor, and he was even using an old school cash register until it finally gave out last spring.

Thursday December 4th 2008

FOR THE RECORD

This blog seems to be my only escape from the madness in Ottawa that has consumed even those with no prior interest in politics. I do promise to have a heaping helping of democratic banter on the "Chaos in the Commons" later on the show, but for now lets pretend we are living in the world with no political lunacy. Out of the corner of my eye last night I caught a glimpse of a TV monitor in our newsroom that didn't have the face of a politician on it, which last night was a refreshing rarity. Instead the monitor had the face of pop siren Christina Aguilera. Later I would put two and two together and realize she was performing during a Grammys special on CBS. To which I had to ask "The Grammy's still exist?" This must be some kind of joke.

Tuesday December 2nd 2008

I NEED A DISTRACTION TODAY

I will save the complete disregard for democracy going on in Ottawa for the talk show. Quite honestly the insanity on the hill has me searching for something to laugh about. The good news is that I have found what I am looking for, and that something is Plaxico Burress. The brain dead wide receiver for the New York Giants that was recently arraigned in Manhattan Criminal Court on felony gun charges that carry a mandatory term of 15 years, all because he shot himself in the leg...literally. The reason I find it so laughable is that athletes never seem to learn. Whether it is Michael Vick running a dog fighting racket, the Minnesota Viking's Love Boat incident, Miami's dodging Dolphin Ricky Williams and his predilection for pot, or Adam "Pacman" Jones with so many off field shenanigans his Atari namesake would blush.

Monday December 1st

NECESSARY REMINDER

Just two very important words for everyone to remember. "Support Democracy". http://www.rallyforcanada.ca/

Friday November 20th 2008

WOLVERINE YOU MUST BE KIDDING ME!!
There is no way of writing this without sounding conceited, but it needs to be said. I am sexier than Hugh Jackman! In case you missed the big news this week, People magazine the arbiters of the sexiest man on the planet award handed the Aussie star the coveted titled. I just have to wonder why I wasn't included in the search.You see, ever since pretty boy Matt Damon grabbed the crown last year I have been curious as to why the everyman is never included in the hunt for world's most awesome sex muffin. This isn't just about me, but about every other guy that was looked over for not being part of the Hollywood elite. Your plumber has a certain come hither stare while snaking your drain, yet he was overlooked.The guy who operates the hotdog cart smells of raw meat and looks kind of cute while grabbing his buns, yet not even a hint of consideration for all the work he puts into his sexiness. Has People magazine lost all credibility?

Wednesday November 19th 2008

DEATH TO BROCCOLI

The world's headlines screamed today about how a new study indicates that broccoli may reduce a smokers' risk of getting lung cancer. I immediately breathed a sigh of relief, and thanked the heavens that I don't smoke. You see to me broccoli is the most foul tasting food on the planet. The odd texture, the putrid smell, and the awful taste all combine to make me shudder at the thought of plunging one of those hideous stalks into my mouth. It has always been this way for me, parents and teachers trying to get me to eat my broccoli, while I would sit holding my breathe with my lips firmly sealed refusing to allow the over glorified garnish past. They used to try and trick me by covering it up with cheese or embedding it in a casserole, but their deceptive tactics were no match for my broccoli radar.

Tuesday November 18th 2008

PUBLIC ENEMY NUMBER 1

A funny thing occurred last night while I was watching my Buffalo Bills live at Ralph Wilson stadium, and it wasn't the blooper and gaffe filled Bill's offense. It turns out in Western New York football circles Toronto has become public enemy number one. While enjoying a few beverages outside the stadium before the game I announced to a group of locals that me and my entourage had just arrived from Toronto, the smiles turned to glares. What followed was unexpected. Each one of those previously happy Orchard Park dwellers began to tear into me about how "our city' was trying to "steal" their football team. I was stunned by the anger, but had really no defence as I stood and took the verbal barbs being launched at me.

Thursday November 13th

STOP THE PLANET I WANT TO GET OFF

 

It almost seems obligatory around this time of year to write about what has now become the dreaded "C" word! I was talking about Christmas for those with dirty minds and filthy mouths. It started this past weekend as I approached the local LCBO, or as I have affectionately nicknamed it "The House of Flavours". The man outside was busily stripping away the last remnants of the fall whisky promotion and handing the new Holiday cheer posters up the ladder to be put on the side of the building...it had begun. Before I go any further I don't want you to think I hate Christmas, to the contrary I am Mr. Christmas, I make Clarke Griswald look like the Grinch.

Wednesday November 12th 2008

REVERSE BRA BURNING

A story in today's New York Post caught my eye this morning. It was about a Cleveland woman who decided to spend a little extra dough on two sexy Victoria's Secret bras, but things got a little more hot than she expected. According to court documents she charges that she wound up covered with an itchy, blistering red rash - caused by formaldehyde in the bras...probably not the look she was going for. The woman, who happens to be a Cher impersonator (I question who is actually hiring Cher impersonators in 2008), is taking the company to court. Victoria's Secret is standing by the following statement "We have strict quality controls around our products, and we do not use formaldehyde in our bras." All that leads me to my newest campaign!

Tuesday November 11th 2008

MEMORIES
My grandfather served as signalman in the British Royal Navy in World War II, my other grandfather in the U.S army, and my grandmother in the British army in Egypt. The first grandfather I mentioned made a point of teaching me the importance of this day...Remembrance Day.

Monday Novermber 10th 2008

PROPS TO THE IMMIGRANT SKATER

Woke up this morning, put on some coffee and opened up the Toronto Star, the picture on Page A13 brought back some pretty painful memories. It was a picture of a gentleman from India, Vipul Nayak, who was taking part in an immigrant skating lesson here in Toronto. The picture showed him sitting on the ice, a frustrated look upon his face as he attempted to yank off each of his skates...he had clearly had enough.