Monday January 5th 2009

START THE SHOW ALREADY!!

It isn't often that I write about celebrity teens and their loyal nation of followers. Mainly because I am a 32 year old man that doesn't follow every exploit and tribulation of those that make things cool and chic. However after going to see the movie Frost/Nixon last week I feel compelled to break my silence on Miley Cyrus. We had arrived at the theatre a tad early in order to get a good seat. I tend to like to do this, my wife would rather wait until about three minutes into the movie which is a rant I will save for another day. We sat through commercial after commercial up on the big screen, and a promise from George Stroumboulopoulos that the movie was up right after his interview with Russell Peters. His promise did not pan out, but I will try no hold that against him. Instead of the coming attractions rolling, what followed was every father's worst nightmare. There she was, fifteen year old Miley Cyrus in living colour performing in her new video for her song "Seven Things".

WHY SUCH HATE?

The premise of young Miley's video is that there are seven things she hates about her ex-boyfriend, or should that just be bf? Hmmm not sure how the lingo works really, but whoever he is she has some issues with the way he has treated her. As she begins to list her grievances,a cavalcade of semi dressed, pre-pubescent girls, dance on the screen with all the hatred of the scorned Cyrus. These girls, no more than fourteen, grasp onto teddy bears, roses, and other gifts all while dancing and appearing outraged. But wait, the seventh thing is that she hates that he makes her love him. What? The fourteen year old dancers all pour on the waterworks, as this 32 year old man gets more and more uncomfortable with the subject matter. What the hell does a fourteen year old know about love? And why is Miley Cyrus the prophet of this virtue?

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO?

So this would be the point in my show where I point out how old I sound. Honestly though I think there is some merit to my point that doesn't make me sound like an octogenarian. I have been in love, a few times. It hasn't always worked out, I am sure most of you can relate. It can be painful, it can be confusing, it can be fantastic. When I see fourteen year old prosti-tots dancing around and spouting off about their very narrow minded definition of the emotion it makes my stomach turn. Further to that why are fourteen year old girls dating? I was fourteen in 1990 and not once did I think about dating...because the prospect was unrealistic. Girls at that time were doing other things and had no interest in boys. Somewhere along the way we have given the green light to little girls that it is okay to explore the world of love, romance, and possibly even sex. For this we have people like Miley Cyrus to thank. Perhaps it is my turn to sing the seven things I can't stand about her, although the number may be higher. The best I can probably do is hope that when the time comes to have kids, they turn out to be boys!

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